A long time coming

In an effort to revamp some writing in this space, I'm titling this entry "A long time coming." There are many things that are "a long time coming" in my life right now. Some I haven't realized until this very moment, so forgive me for this slightly self-therapized entry.

A long time coming...

Rest: true rest for not only my body, but my mind and spirit as well. How do we get to this point of being so extended, so stressed, so exhausted that we don't function unless we're go, go, going 90 mph? I get to a point of not being able to say "no" for fear that I won't be perceived as a hard worker. If I don't go to every function, if I don't take on every project, then I'm not a good person, teacher, professional, etc. Ridiculous. I'm over it. I am breathing, consciously enjoying a time of rest that is a long time coming.

Realization: I could argue that all of my entries have something to do with "realization," but, as of late, my understanding of realization has been on a new level. I've received some life-realizations. Realizations of where home is/is not, of what I want, of who I am. It's nice. It's a long time coming. I am thankful.

Confidence: as a self-proclaimed independent and confident woman, I didn't realize how non-confident I have been living my life. Recent experiences of being surrounded by those who love me, laugh with me, appreciate various aspects of me (that haven't been seen in a while), were nothing short of spiritual bliss. A beaming and truly confident me has been a long time coming.

Me: it is both a sad and happy moment when I realize how un-me I have been and for how long. Ugh. The saddest part is that I didn't know. I didn't know that I haven't been sharing my giant Jolie-esque smile. I didn't know that I haven't been affectionate, loving on those I love. I didn't know how much I have been hiding, down-playing, hesitating. Now for the happy part of this: I'm back. Inexplicably and effortlessly, the me I had forgotten is back. Sassy, sensual, simple me is back. Can I get an amen...hmm, now that has been a long time coming!

A long time coming, all this has been. A long time to stay, I hope this will be.

Sometimes it's so nice to meet yourself again.